


I'm Sorry

by DallasWinston98



Category: The Outsiders - S. E. Hinton
Genre: Boys Kissing, Emotional, Fluff and Angst, Gay, M/M, Past Sexual Abuse, Reminiscing, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-19
Updated: 2015-10-19
Packaged: 2018-04-27 02:25:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5030071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DallasWinston98/pseuds/DallasWinston98
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ponyboy visits Dallas and Johnny's graves and begins reminiscing heavily. He thinks of many things and shares something that has been bothering him for a long time.  What exactly is he having trouble with and who does it involve?</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Sorry

_I'm Sorry_

   Ponyboy was officially an adult now, today was his eighteenth birthday. It was a hot July day in Tulsa and Pony didn't care as he walked to the cemetery Dallas and Johnny were buried at. He always went and saw them on special occasions, even on Christmas when it was freezing out. He visited them also on their birthdays, he was always good at remembering everyone's birthdays. He remembered being a young boy and celebrating Johnny's birthday in the cool month of March, he usually couldn't even remember it without crying. He didn't know how he survived this long without his best friend and no one since has even come close to being like Johnny. They always talked too much when Pony didn't want to talk or they got too pushy for his own liking. He figured no one could ever replace quiet, small Johnny Cade.

   Pony even remembered Dallas' birthday, even though he didn't like Dallas all that much. Respecting someone was far from actually liking them, Dallas was exactly that. November was worse than March in terms of weather, especially in Oklahoma. It was usually freezing in the middle October and November was just the same. Pony usually had to wear a thick coat just to see Dallas on his birthday. He would just sit by their graves, somehow the gang got them buried by each other. Everyone else saw it as a friendly gesture but Pony saw more between the couple. He always felt like something was going on with them romantically, they spent an awful lot of time together. Pony didn't mind their relationship and it made him smile thinking they spent all their time together on the other side.

   The deaths also made him think of what happened after you die, he wondered where Johnny ended up and where Dallas ended up. He always concluded Dallas went to Hell but the fact Johnny was separated from someone he loved just broke Pony's heart, it broke his heart even more when he thought about Dallas being in Hell. Pony didn't think Dallas was bad enough to be in Hell, at least he could fool himself into thinking that. For his sanity's sake, he thinks Johnny and Dallas spend all their time together on the other side. Pony started believing in angels, God and heaven more than he did when he was fourteen. He just felt like someone was watching him, not in a creepy way but in a friendly way. He wondered if it was Johnny because Dallas never looked at anyone in a friendly way unless it was Johnny. He liked to think they were like a team of angels that worked together, the thought made him smile.

   He thought of his brothers a lot too, Soda was twenty-one and still hasn't grown up yet. He still cracked jokes and was still wild, Pony figured he would be like that for the rest of his days. Darry was still the same way except he was a bit more softer on Pony, especially since Pony graduated high school in May. Darry seemed teary eyed to see his youngest brother graduate, Pony cried that night. He felt bittersweet about graduating, Johnny didn't get to see him walk across the stage. He frowned but he liked to think Johnny was watching from somewhere, maybe even walking right beside him. His green eyes got misty when he thought of Johnny being right beside him all the time, he liked to think Dallas tagged along as well. Pony changed a lot, at least change that he noticed personally. He looked older but he was still short, Darry and Soda made sure to tease him about it. He used to get mad when people teased him but now, it simply feel off his shoulders without any problems. Maybe he had finally grown a backbone or he just didn't care about what others thought anymore. He knew who he was and no one had the right to tell him who he was. He was Ponyboy Michael Curtis, he knew who he was. Two-Bit didn't change at all, he was still making jokes and laughing harder than everyone else around him. Sometimes he looked sad after he made a joke, he missed having Dallas either laugh or call him a moron over a joke. Pony still didn't like Steve much but Steve seemed to lay off him because he was older. Steve was twenty-two and all that changed was that his hair no longer had grease in it. Pony noticed that everyone that was left in the gang seemed to stop even trying to do their hair, they rarely put grease in. Pony still did, it reminded him of Johnny's jet black hair.

   Pony's bleached hair did change back to it's natural auburn color just like Johnny said it would. He remembered how he threw a fit over it and Johnny just looked at him with a bored look on his face, it was the first time he had ever seen Johnny make a face like that. His hair also grew back like Johnny had said, he made sure to tell Johnny about it when it was back to the length it was before they cut it. Pony frowned when he remembered Johnny's hair most likely didn't grow back, he did hear that hair grew for a few months after you die. He hoped Johnny got some of his hair back, Johnny didn't look the same. He could still remember Dallas' white blond locks and how it shined in the sun, he knew he could never forget those icy cold, blue orbs. He could never look Dallas in the eye, it just made him shiver like he was cold.

   Pony arrived at the rather tiny cemetery, the ones in Tulsa were usually rather good in size. This one was like one of those country cemeteries he had read about once, he liked the secludedness of it so it didn't look weird when he talked to the headstones. He walked on the gravel road that was in the middle of the cemetery, it ended with a metal gate that lead off into some wooded area. He never climbed over the gate and he didn't want to risk getting shot for trespassing. He reached the gate in no time and simply stared at the rusted bars on it, it was ancient looking to him. He sighed heavily and turned to the right, he had to walk up a small hill to reach the graves on the right side. The cemetery was divided into two sections by the road, graves were on each side but more resided on the right side. Pony had explored this place many times before and he loved looking at the old Civil War graves, he could barely read most of them but the fascination was still there. There was one grave that confused him because it was surrounded by a fence. He never entered because he read that fences around graves meant they were trying to keep something evil locked inside. He wondered what it could be but he didn't dare try to open the gate. The gate looked like it had been opened before,maybe by some teenagers like Two-Bit. Pony also noticed most of the graves belonged to young people and even children, Johnny and Dallas fit right in. He thought the saddest was the grave of a four year old girl, it had a doll sitting on the grave. Over the many visits Pony had made to the grave, he noticed the doll had disappeared. He just shook his head, thinking not even the dead can get away from pesky thieves.

   Pony reached the two headstones, they sat away from the rest of the graves, they were more toward the barbed wire fence surrounding the cemetery. Pony sat down on the ground, it kind of hurt since there were pine needles on the ground. He usually brushed the pine needles off the headstones so people could read the names and dates still if they wanted. He smiled and started with Dallas', he brushed his hand over the date of birth and moved to the date of death. He stared at Dallas's grave for a moment, it was a soft grey color and had a picture of a bird on it, a dove. Pony snorted, he thought it was ironic for a dove to be on Dallas' grave. He could hear Dallas cussing out the people that made the headstone so clearly he almost turned around to see if Dallas was there. Pony moved his hand to Johnny's grave and did the same motion as before, he ran his eyes over the stone. Johnny's headstone had a drawing of an angel and the poem Pony had recited to him in the church.

   "Stay gold.." Pony whispered to himself, the phrase held more meaning to him than anything else.

   Pony always thought Johnny was smart even if the teachers at school thought he wasn't. The shy boy was just slower than the rest and was more poetic than anyone Pony had ever known. He thought it was weird that Johnny could decipher meanings way faster than Pony could, Pony thought he was supposed have been the deep one. Pony really learned a lot about Johnny in that week in the church like that Johnny really liked cats. Pony remembered during one of the days a cat had found it's way into the church and Johnny got so excited about it. Johnny refused to put the cat down at all. Pony just smiled and let Johnny have his cat moment. Johnny expressed that he always wanted his own cat; he looked down to the floor and said that he wished his parents would let him have at least something for once. Johnny said he liked to play with the strays around Tulsa, the cats always approached him with no problem. Pony knew Johnny had a natural friendly aura around him. Johnny was the most abused person he knew but the shy boy refused to be mean to anyone. It just wasn't in his nature to ever do harm. Pony was shocked that Johnny had stabbed someone that fateful night, and he remembered the shock that was on his friend's tan face. Johnny was in a kind of shock where he was calm even though his mind was most likely going at two million miles an hour about what he had done. He didn't know what he was supposed have done when there was a group of people trying to drown his best friend, Pony figured he just reacted on instinct. Pony didn't blame Johnny at all for what he did and he couldn't stop anyone else from blaming Johnny. He figured only the blind, deaf and ignorant would call his best friend a monster when he was far from it.

   Pony remembered how scared he was during that whole ordeal but he could only imagine how scared Johnny was. His friend was paralyzed from the waist down and was most likely going to die, he couldn't even imagine the fear he felt. Pony still remembered what Johnny looked like when he actually passed, he just looked dead. Johnny's body went limp, he stopped moving, his chest wasn't lifting and falling, he just laid there. Pony got chills from remembering that, Johnny didn't really look peaceful until his funeral. They didn't like the idea of having an open casket for either Johnny or Dallas. Johnny had his burns and Dallas had his gunshot wounds. Pony remembered he scrunched his face up at the idea of seeing his friends mutilated in their place of rest but the people at the funeral home said they could make them look relatively normal. Dallas looked almost like he had never been shot, Pony thought it was lucky Dallas was shot in the torso. Johnny didn't look as normal as Dallas did, you could still see the burns around his neck but his face was practically untouched. Pony remembered he ran his finger over the scar Johnny would have for eternity, he didn't like how cold he felt. Pony thought it was weird that people in caskets look a lot like dolls in boxes, especially Dallas. The blond just looked like a doll with his pale skin and white hair. Pony also touched Dallas but only for a second, he knew Dallas didn't like to be touched by anyone. Pony knew that only Soda, Darry, Two-Bit, Steve and him were the only ones that attended the funeral. He wasn't surprised just depressed. They didn't have a pastor speak, it was more like an hour of silence for the two boys that died way too young. Pony remembered it wasn't an extremely expensive service since they didn't have to pay any extra people, just the funeral home. Darry was still paying it off but he was close to being done with it. Pony wasn't the one who thought of having a funeral, but he couldn't bare the idea of Johnny and Dallas being thrown into wooden boxes then randomly tossed into some hole somewhere like trash. Darry was the one who thought it up and the remaining members of the gang put the other tiny details into place. Pony got to choose what Johnny would look like in his casket and what would go with him, he didn't mind having to see Johnny's body so much. It felt almost comforting even if it was just an empty vessel he was standing beside.

   He decided Johnny would be buried with Dallas's jacket, yes, it was the one he was shot in. It still had the holes in it and the blood stains on it, he shivered from just seeing it for a second. They didn't put it on Johnny, they just folded it up and slipped it under his pillow. Pony also made sure to bury him with cigarettes and matches, he knew Johnny liked to smoke. Johnny's hair still had grease in it but Pony decided to put a new lather of grease in his hair so it didn't look sloppy. Pony used his own comb to style Johnny's hair just the way he remembered it, he slightly felt like he was playing with a life sized doll. He didn't mind having to make Johnny look proper considering the only other person in the gang that knew Johnny better than Pony was dead along with him. Pony noticed that the corner of Johnny's lips was pointed up like he was smirking, Pony thought it was kind of funny. He wasn't sure if it was a natural thing to happen but he didn't mind it being there. After Johnny had been cleaned up more, he did look a lot more peaceful. Pony thought he looked rather ragged and sick looking in the hospital, he pushed the memory into the back of his mind.

   Pony didn't know what to do with Dallas and his casket, he couldn't put anything together. He had the help of Soda and Two-Bit, the youngest man hoped the two older men could help him piece something together. Working with Two-Bit made Pony notice a lot of things that he hadn't noticed about the redhead before, like that Two-Bit had slowed down with partying. The redhead just didn't find joy in it anymore, especially with Dallas dead and gone. Dallas was like Two-Bit's party buddy and now he had no one, Pony remembered how depressed Two-Bit was after Johnny and Dallas passed. He could never imagine Two-Bit being sad like that, it was almost like he was in a perpetual state of depression. The redhead didn't make jokes a lot and he simply sat quiet for months, it freaked the entire gang out. It made Pony realize he wasn't the only one affected by the situation, he saw how it tore everyone apart in it's own way. Pony thought he was being selfish for having his own pity but over time, he realized it was normal. Dallas and Johnny were his friends too, well, at least one of them was certainly his friend.

   Soda recommended that Dallas be buried with a pack of cigarettes too but no one was willing to give up their pack. Pony thought about it for a moment and sighed, he could just get Soda or Darry to buy him another pack. As Soda and Two-Bit argued over who would sacrifice their smokes, Pony slipped his pack into Dallas's left breast pocket. Pony couldn't forget matches so he slyly took Two-Bit's pack of matches. He had learned a thing or two from the redhead, Two-Bit didn't even notice his matches were gone until he went home later that night. Pony put the matches under Dallas's hand, they had decided to put Dallas's hands over his lap. Pony thought it was weird considering he never saw Dallas in a pose like that before, he giggled from envisioning Dallas in such a pose. He sighed and fixed Dallas's hair, he didn't comb it since he knew Dallas hated to comb. Pony remembered that they had Johnny's jacket at their house, he wanted Dallas to be buried with it. When he brought the idea to Soda, his brother looked at him in a questioning manner.

   "Are you sure, Pony? You don't want anything from Johnny to hold onto?" Soda asked.

   Pony shook his head, "I have all I need from Johnny." He remembered the letter his best friend had written for him and the vast amount of memories he shared with the shy boy.

   "Alright, Pony, but once they're buried we won't be able to get whatever you put in there back." Soda reminded and Pony simply rolled his eyes.

   "I know, I know." Pony assured.

   Pony woke up the next day and made sure to take Johnny's jacket out of a box he had under his bed, he stared at it for what seemed like forever. It was faded and was more of a greyish blue now and it had various holes in different places. Pony made sure no one was coming and he took a quick sniff of it, his nostrils filled with the smell of cigarette smoke and just a smell that was purely Johnny. Pony did smell Dallas's but only the sleeve since it had no blood on it, just about every other spot on it had blood stains. Pony thought it was beyond bizarre that he got to handle the jacket Dallas died in, when he got it it was still damp from the rain and blood on that night. Pony had to watch where he put his hands and arms when he got it, he only got a smudge of Dallas's blood on his arm. He shivered and almost dropped the thing, he couldn't believe they let them have it back. Pony let the jacket actually dry before he handled it again, he stared at the many exit holes that were on the back. Pony wondered why the jacket was still damp when they got it back, he figured it would have dried from it being kept by the police for a little over a week. Pony liked to believe in supernatural things but he wasn't sure if that could even classify as being supernatural. He remembered when he got everything that was on Dallas's person when he died, it was all thrown at him like it was merely trash that needed to be thrown away. He wanted to get mad, he didn't like Dallas much but did they really have to treat even his material things like garbage? He just growled and stomped out of the station with a tiny basket of Dallas' possessions.

   Pony noticed Dallas didn't have a whole lot, the clothes they had put on Dallas they had to steal from his house. It was scary considering they almost ran right into Dallas's father, Pony silently wondered if he knew or even cared his son had been killed in the middle of the road. Two-Bit was with Pony when they snuck inside, the redhead simply scoffed when they left.

   "Ya know, it's really sad that Johnny or Dallas's parents don't care a lot that their children are dead." The redhead said and pulled out his pack of cigarettes.

   Pony remembered that the hospital had to notify Johnny's parents that he had passed, they didn't seem to care all that much. It made Pony's blood boil, they lost their child, their only child and they couldn't even give one single shit? Pony wanted to scream at them but he figured that he could yell at them for years and still not feel any better about the fact Johnny was dead. Pony couldn't even imagine approaching the blond's father, he had only seen a single glimpse of him in his whole life. He was tall, taller than Darry. Strong, stronger than Darry as well, Pony didn't think it was possible. Dallas didn't look a lot like his dad, his father had dirty blond hair but his eyes were just as icy, if not more, though they were light brown. His father's skin was even tan when compared to his son's skin, Pony only knew what he looked like because Dallas identified him once. Pony was with Johnny and Dallas, just taking a walk when Dallas stopped cold in his tracks, he seemed to just stare straight ahead.

  "Dal..?" Johnny asked softly and Dallas shushed him.

   Pony saw a tall man walking to the store they were about to approach, he looked up at Dallas. That was the first time Pony had ever saw any type of fear appear on the blond's face, even then he was trying to hide it with his lips pursed. His eyebrows seemed to furrow in concentration, Pony saw an unfamiliar pain in his blue eyes.

   "You guys see that man walkin' into that store?" Dallas asked, his New York accent was stronger from almost perfectly hidden nervousness.

   "Yeah." Pony and Johnny said softly in unison.

   "That's my father." Dallas stated simply.

   Johnny's brown eyes got wide from seeing how big the man was, he thought his own father was big and scary. He had to keep his mouth shut but he almost failed from how shocked he was, he glanced at Dallas. The blond watched his father pull the door open and walk inside, Dallas shivered and turned around.

   "L-Let's not go there, I don't feel like seein' him right now." Dallas stuttered, both Johnny and Pony noticed but they didn't dare point it out.

   Ever since that day, Pony wondered if Dallas's father hurt him like Johnny's hurt him. He never asked, he knew better than to try and bring something like that up with Dallas. Sometimes Pony noticed bruises on Dallas that didn't look like bruises he got in fights, they were usually in the shape of hands and fingers. Pony even noticed how one whole week Dallas seemed to not be able to walk straight at all and he rarely sat down and when he did, he winced. Pony didn't like to imagine what happened to Dallas to make him like that but he had only a soft idea in his mind. He figured Dallas's father wasn't just physically abusive but also sexually abusive, it made Pony sick just thinking about. It explained how Dallas would be silent for days, not saying a single word or making a single noise. He looked disconnected when he was like that, Pony didn't even think that was possible. Pony wished Dallas didn't have to experience that, it was too horrific for him to even imagine.

   Johnny's jacket was placed under Dallas's pillow in his casket, Pony thought of things he could put in there. He tapped his chin in thought and got an idea. He remembered a necklace Johnny had found and had given to Dallas, the blond never wore it. Dallas opened up a bit to Pony about the necklace, he said he didn't want to risk it getting ripped off his neck by someone he fought with. Pony simply nodded, barely understanding why Dallas would do that at the time. He remembered Johnny talked about it to Pony before giving it to Dallas, he seemed completely in love with the necklace. It was a rather nice necklace for someone to simply drop and leave behind. It had a red heart on the silver chain, the heart had some stars dangling off from tiny chains. Pony thought it was more of a girls necklace but Johnny didn't care, he just wanted to give Dallas a gift of some kind. Johnny didn't talk much about it after he gave Dallas the necklace, all he told Pony was that Dallas loved it. After that, Pony noticed the less friendly way the couple looked at each other when they thought no one was looking. A lustful glance occasionally but mostly a glance of pure romance, it was so obvious that Pony just wanted to scream it. He didn't know how no one else noticed, maybe they just didn't want to talk about it. Pony snuck into Dallas's house one more time by himself just to retrieve the necklace, he somehow didn't get caught. He snuck back into the house without Darry even noticing he was gone, he never snuck out again. He didn't want to put the necklace on Dallas but he carefully wrapped it around his pale hand, making sure he was clutching onto the heart. Pony thought it was beautiful looking, he wanted to cry.

   Pony didn't know how he kept it together for so long as he stared at the headstones, he usually bawled within minutes when he reminisced with himself. He hadn't even said hello to Dallas or Johnny, he coughed.

   "Sorry, I've been kinda ignoring you guys." Pony said and nervously scratched the back of his neck.

   No one responded, all Pony heard was the wind whispering to him as he softly ran his finger over Johnny's name on his headstone.

   "Hi, Johnnycake, I still miss you." Pony said and smiled as he moved over to Dallas.

   "Hey, Dally, I know you would think it's stupid but I miss ya too." Pony muttered as he brought his hand to his lap.

   Pony remembered he had brought flowers for both graves in his bag, he grabbed his bag from beside himself and dug inside. He had a couple books inside, a sketchbook and the flowers, he manged not to squish them that bad. Pony pulled out a brochette of tulips, they were meant for Johnny. He didn't know if Johnny had a favorite flower but he thought tulips matched Johnny well, softly placed them in the flower holder beside the headstone. He stood up the flowers that leaned to the side, wanting them to look as nice as they could. Pony pulled out a bundle of yellow roses for Dallas, he didn't know what to buy him. Dallas wasn't a flower person, in fact, he had never really seen Dallas even hold a flower. Johnny told him he got Dallas to hold a carnation once but that didn't last long. Pony couldn't find any carnations at the flower nursery so he went with the roses. He placed them in Dallas's flower holder and smiled, they sat up just fine in the vase.

   "I've been thinkin' about a lot recently, guys, and I just wanted to share the main thing." Pony said and paused like he was expecting an answer.

   Pony sighed heavily and ran his fingers through his hair, he didn't know where to begin.

   "I've been thinking of how I've treated Darry through the past few years." Pony muttered.

   Everything was silent, he just sat still trying to gather his emotions better.

   "Like, I really treated him so badly and it really isn't okay.." Pony trailed off and scratched the back of his neck.

   Pony couldn't get himself together at all, he wished he knew what to do with himself. He remembered all the times he talked back to Darry just because he was angry. He remembered how upset their fighting made Soda but they hadn't stopped, they just simply down played it and tried to do it when Soda wasn't around. He felt horrible about treating Darry the way he did, he always remembered the night Darry slapped him so clearly. He used to be angry about the fact Darry hit him but the more time passed on, the more he understood why Darry hit him. Pony was always ticking Darry off and him getting slapped was just his older brothers anger boiling over. Pony softly sniffled, he didn't know where to start with fixing things between him and Darry.

   "You guys remember how Darry hit me, right? I'm sure you guys thought I was overreacting about it and..I did." Pony whispered.

   Pony whimpered, it was weird how one action can cause such a chain of events. He wished he didn't yell at Darry and caused him to get slapped, he could've reacted differently. He could've done this, he could've done that, all the could'ves drowned him and made him feel hopeless.

   "I've been thinking about how I try and make our relationship better, but I don't know where to begin." He said softly.

   The wind blew and ruffled Pony's hair, he slowly ran his fingers over the headstones once again.

   "You know what? I'm going to just say it. I'm just going to tell him I'm sorry." Pony said and stood up, he waved at the headstones.

   "I'll see ya guys later!" Pony exclaimed and began running back home.

   Pony ran and ran, he was thankful he had been on the track team in high school. He had slowed down on his smoking recently and it had helped his breathing. It took him awhile and at some point his running reverting to jogging, but he finally made it back home. He was panting and wheezing as he stepped onto the porch. He pulled open the screen door then the front door, he stepped inside and saw that the living room was empty. He remembered that Soda was at work and Darry had a day off, Pony hadn't found a job yet. He closed the squeaky door and stood in the silence house for a moment, he began to feel nervous.

   "Maybe I shouldn't.." Pony muttered and turned back to the front door.

    He stopped himself from grabbing the doorknob, he made a fist and brought it to his chest. He sighed heavily and turned back around.

   "No, I've been pushing this away for too long." Pony whispered and slowly began to walk forward, looking for Darry.

   Pony heard some noises come from Darry's bedroom, he shuffled down the hallway to the doorway. He saw the door was open and he stepped inside, he looked around the room. He saw Darry was organizing some things in his closet, he slowly stepped up to Darry. His older brother ran his finger through his hair and jumped when he noticed Ponyboy standing there.

   "You scared me, Pony, when did you get back?" Darry asked.

   Pony stayed silent, his heart felt like it was going to explode within his chest. He opened his mouth but quickly shut it, he gulped in nervousness. Darry raised an eyebrow at his brother, becoming concerned what was wrong with Pony.

   "Is something wrong?" Darry asked.

   "Darry, I-I don't know how to say this and..and I've been meaning to say this for a long time now." Pony stammered and scratched the back of his head.

   Darry nodded and waited for Pony to speak up. Pony wasn't sure why he was having so many problems with apologizing, maybe it's because he's not used to opening up to Darry.

   "I-I'm sorry.." Pony whimpered and softly sniffled.

   Darry became deeply confused on what Pony had done recently that would merit an apology. He put his hand on Pony's shoulder, concerned about what was bothering Pony.

   "Sorry for what?" Darry asked confused.

   Pony sobbed and looked into his older brother's eyes. Darry didn't know what to do but he tried to comfort Pony the best he could.

   "Pony, it's alright." Darry said softly as he ruffled Pony's hair some.

   "Darry, I'm sorry for the way I've treated for for all these years. I-It's taken me a long time to realize this, but I'm so sorry." Pony breathed and hugged Darry, his older brother sat still.

   Darry was confused on what Pony was talking about but returned the hug, his little brother was crying into his chest.

   "Pony, whatever it is it's okay." Darry assured but Pony shook his head.

   "N-No, it's not, Darry. If I hadn't reacted the way I did to you slapping me then maybe...maybe.." Pony stammered.

   Darry became upset that Pony blamed himself for the deaths of Johnny and Dallas, he began softly shushing Pony's sobs.

   "Pony, no, none of that was your fault." Darry said softly.

   "B-But, they wouldn't of died if I just stayed home." Pony whimpered and Darry wiped away Pony's warm tears.

   "Pony, I promise that none of that was your fault," He got to face level with Pony, "No one blames you about what happened." Darry assured once again and Pony softly sniffled.

   The two men were silent for a moment, Pony glanced into his older brothers eyes but didn't say anything. Darry remained at face level with Pony, waiting for Pony to say something. Pony got closer to Darry but hesitated for a moment.

   "Pony..?" Darry questioned softly.

   Pony softly kissed his older brother, Darry sat still in shock. He thought it was wrong but slowly fell into the kiss. He pressed his lips against Pony's and brought Pony into his arms and held him. Pony slowly pulled away and shyly looked up at Darry.

   "D-Darry?" Pony questioned.

   "Yeah?" Darry asked.

   "I-I'm sorry, I didn't.." Pony trailed off and Darry shushed him.

   "Pony, I know it's wrong but I've really loved you more than I should for a while now." Darry admitted and softly blushed.

   Pony laughed to see Darry blush, Darry smiled.

   "I love you, too, Dar." Pony confessed and softly kissed Darry again.

   Pony pulled away and hugged his older brother close, everything went way better than he expected. He didn't know how long he had loved Darry more than he should but now it was off his chest along with treating Darry so badly through the years. Darry returned to finish organize his things, he had a soft blush on his face for the rest of the day. Pony walked back to the cemetery to tell Dallas and Johnny, he noticed the sun was setting in the distance. He stared at the beautiful shades of pink, purple and orange shades in the clouds. He softly sighed happily as he walked to his friends graves, he had a soft smile on his face. He approached the headstones and gracefully sat down in front of them, he looked at them with excitement.

   "Well, guys, I did it. I said I was sorry and...and I found out he loved me back." Pony said happily and felt like he was going to cry in disbelief.

   There was no answer but Pony didn't care, he just wanted Dallas and Johnny know he was finally happy.

   "I just wanted to tell you guys that me and Darry are more than okay now, we're perfect." Pony muttered and giggled.

   "I'm sorry you guys couldn't see it yourself but I promise, it's all okay." Pony said and sighed.

   Pony was truly happy after being so sad for so many years, he hugged himself and sighed contently. He felt at peace and blissful, he stood to go home.

   "I'll talk to you guys some other time, I miss you and I wish you could be here." Pony said and waved at the headstones before turning to leave.


End file.
